So I havn't been on this in quite a while. And from reading my pervious posts I feel like I changed quit a bit. I most def matured in some ways. Now when I feel depressed or down which is quit often since I completely lost control of my life, I think about how people in 3rd world countries live and how I'm lucky compared to them. But you know what I'm starting to get tired of that. Losing control of my school life, my family breaking apart. I'm not going to sit here and say im lonely because I have so many amazing people in my life. But I just want that understanding. I'm sick of people acting so perfect. I want that understanding from people where I can talk about everything and open up. Like honesty when was the last time we REALLY talked about what was going on in the world and with our lives. It seems like today all we do when we talk is bullshit. Why?? I have no clue. All I know is that i'm lost. Allah take mercy on me and show me the way to go. Take away all the things that are bothering me and show me the right path. They say when you take one step towards god, he takes 10 to you. I believe their comes a time when in ones life he/she is wanting to give up. Not killing urself but give up trying. You just ask yourself, whats the point?? I believe I'm going through that phase or whatever you want to call it. And it just gets tiring, it really does.

my mother gave me some money to give to my teacher today... and i gave it to her... but one some friends presured me, i took the money back and my friends and i used it. its was $46 and i lost half of it while i was running. anyway my mother found out i skipped class and she asked my teacher did i give her the money. i came home and my mom confronted me.  i didnt tell her the whole truth. but shes already pretty upset, and told me shes sick and tired of me. and i feel so bad. and i feel like shit. i feel so bad, depressed and ugh. my friend didnt even care. they left me after we baought what they wanted. and then latter on they put on their myspace i'm stupid and stuff.  what does that tell me? i know who cares for me now. and i need to change, i need to take my deen seriously, listen to my mom and stay in school.  i am so disspointed in myself, my teacher my mother, and about every adult in my life lost their trust in me. i need do the right thing. i hope ill get all thier trust back soon. i realy need to work now. 

bismillah

Asalamalaikum Wa Rahamtullah Wa Barakatuhu,

Lately, I have been hearing lots of complaints from people all around me, family, friends, neighbors, and people I don’t even know.  I have decided to dedicate this blog to everyone who thinks they have some what of a difficult life, and are tired of it.  Some of the comments that I hear “Why me?  When will I get a break?  Everyone else has a perfect life? Why don’t my kids listen to me?  Why can’t I get help?  Why can’t I find a job? etc…”

As I pondered these questions and many more, I sat there and thought about all of the wonderful things these people had, and yet not once were they thankful.  Human beings are strange creatures, for they rarely thank the Creator of the Heavens and Earth for all the great things that He blesses us them with, like good health, a family, finances, children, a home, good friends, etc.  I rarely hear people nowadays being thankful to Allaah (SWT)

my annoyings and comforts of the day

ugh i am so angry D= i am trying to change in to a better muslim and those i use to call "friends" are calling me oppressed!  just cause i wear a hijab now! i mean i don't see nobody calling a nun oppressed! i am being labeled as oppressed, and a nun on the other hand poised? im sorry, but thats really driving me to the edge. i almost felt like throwing shoes and cups Lmao

The other day i went to this lecture at my masjid, and the main topic was marriage. and it was really something beautiful, it made me WANT to get married right away lol i use to view marriage really badly. but the way they marriage works in islam is just so beautiful<3>

I was thinking about this the other day, and this picture hit me really hard. even though i was born a Muslim, i stopped practing for a while out of ignorance, and let me be the first to say, it was the darkest time of my life. i was so depressed and i just felt dead. but i started listing to lectures and opening my heart to find the truth. slowly i started to move towards Islam. and now i am happier then ever! i think the reason i even second guessed this beautiful way of life was that i didn't have enough knowledge. all i keep hearing was "you have to do this and this and this" and looking at the culture view of it. but once i looked in the Quran and Sunnah of Mohamed PBUH, i was so amazed and inspired. and i felt alive again. :) things become better for me, i work hard and i feel so much love from my new muslim friends. and i am more aware of this dunyah. 

salam alikum,

Wow i got to say this picture opened my eyes. i woke up this morning and sweet friend send me this. im the type thats always worrying about the way i look, which is VERY sad lol but this is very beautiful! and so true, good example to go by :)